Q. I am 20 I have been on and off with my boyfriend since in was 15 (first love) it got really serious at the beginning of 2016 and we have been together officially since then. I have just found out that my gay best friend who I have known since I was 5 and who also has known my boyfriend since school has given him a blow job. This happened a month after he officially asked me out and he lost his virginity to me. It has been several months now and I am just as confused as ever. Did he cheat on me because he's gay or just curious? Was I not what he wanted in a person? How on earth am I ever going to trust someone again. Honestly is there anything I can change about my self so I can be loved and so this won't happen again. I have become very lonely within myself and I don't really know who to turn to. My ex gay BFF is now dead to me and I haven't spoken to him since however I still massively love and miss my boyfriend even after everything he did to me. It only happened once but it still happened.
A. This is understandably a confusing situation to be in. However, it does take two to tango and punishing one of the guilty party and not the other isn’t ok. You’re right to feel hurt and betrayed but it was both of them that did the hurting and betraying, not just you GBFF. Being with someone from such a young age is a huge commitment to take on and at that period of anyone’s life would be a huge challenge, especially when faced with new experiences, especially sexual ones. Your boyfriend may be bi sexual, he may be gay, he may be completely straight but just wanted to know what it would be like. These are things you’ll only know by speaking to your boyfriend. Relationships are, at their very heart built on mutual respect, understanding and trust. If any of these building blocks are faulty then your relationship won’t stand the test of time and will crumble. If you want to make things work with your boyfriend then you need to strip everything back and get back to basics with him. Communication is absolutely key here; if he can’t answer your questions and abate your worries satisfactorily then you won’t be able to move on as a couple. Your dilemma here is two fold, as I said before you’ve been betrayed and hurt by two separate people that you loved and trust. This in itself will be hard to bounce back from, as the two sources for support that you would usually rely on are no longer there. I would, with all my heart beg you to speak with your GBFF as well, after all there are two sides to every story and he may hold a vital bit of information that is key to any decision you might make. When you boil this down your boyfriend was unfaithful, whether with a guy or girl it makes little difference. The fact that it was with a friend definitely muddies the water but shouldn’t change the focus on your boyfriend’s behaviour, he is just as much in the wrong here. My advice to you is to re open the lines of communication and see if you can get back on track with either relationship. I would strongly recommend taking some alone time before you do this, a week without communication will give you some time to clear your thoughts and focus on what you want from the situation. If you need to write questions that you want answering down. When the time is right meet in a mutually indifferent place and have the conversation. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out as you want it to.