With the recent findings that most young people don’t have the confidence to ask questions about sex and parents and schools shying away from the topic it’s little wonder they’re turning to the Internet for help. The web can be a fab hive of information, but as recent findings suggest sex education isn’t sought amongst forums or information focused sites but rather places like Redtube and Pornhub.
Viewing porn isn’t a crime and it's important you try to remain as judgement free a spossible. Here are my top tips on lessons not to learn from watching porn, communicate them in any way you can and if you find it hard, simply point him in my direction!
1. Don’t think that everyone of the opposite sex is thinking about sex all the time. Porn tends to send a message that everyone you meet are just waiting for an offer and if presented with a sexual scenario won’t be able to help themselves from ripping their clothes off and getting down to it. This at best can cause misunderstandings between two people and at worse can lead to coercive and dangerous exploits. Basically, most people don’t want sex all the time, which whomever and wherever they happen to be.
2. Women will orgasm from no stimulation. Women need continuous stimulation of their hot spots in order to climax. The average woman takes twenty minutes to orgasm, more than double the time it takes for their male counterparts. Porn films, more often than not show women moaning that they’re going to climax within a couple of minutes, not just unrealistic but confusing to the viewer when presented with a real life women in the bedroom. ‘But they do it in porn’ is not a valid excuse.
3. Everyone loves anal! Not only that all women love it, but that we can accommodate anything up there with no warming up, lubrication or thought for our own pleasure. Reality check, the anus isn’t self-lubricating and nor does it engorge during arousal like the vagina. If you want to try anal play invest in an anal training kit and make sure you get plenty of water based anal lubricant to accompany it. It’s also best to cleanse before, so anal douching is also a must. Remember, the women in porn have been thoroughly prepped before they shoot their scenes.
4. ATM is A-OK. ATM or ‘ass to mouth’ is a really common trend in porn. This is where someone who has just engaged in anal intercourse then proceeds to Fellacio or to you and me, the common blowjob. This is possible the worst practice depicted in porn not only because quite frankly it’s pretty disrespectful but, because it is so completely unhygienic and foul that if you were to do this in real life you’d be putting your partner through all sorts of health risks.
5. External ejaculation isn’t a must. Porn nearly always shows men climaxing and ‘shooting their load’ all over their partner’s face, bum, boobs or any other place they can easily reach. This is fine if both partners have agreed to it. However in real life it’s pretty unlikely someone is going to be ok with, let alone beg for you to ejaculate onto their face, if they haven’t expressly asked for it to happen don’t assume it’s ok.
6. The more intricate the position the better the sex. Porn tends to depict fantastic sex as an act between two people that involves the most taxing positions changed as often as you take a breath. In reality all this does is halt stimulation meaning that when you reset you’re starting all over again. There’s a reason missionary is so popular and that’s because it offers, on the whole the most contact wither clitoris. Because this little nub of nerves sits outside of the vagina its basically impossible to stimulate through intercourse alone.
7. Foreplay doesn’t exist. In porn the action starts pretty much straight away, you may get the odd thirty seconds of foreplay here and there but on the whole it’s completely overlooked. In real life it is an absolute must, to quote American Pie, ‘You’ve got to preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey!’ Not only is foreplay fun it’s also a key element of a mutually happy and healthy sexual experience.
8. Women love to look too. Porn is littered with women all clambering to get a good look at their genitals during intercourse then, upon seeing this splendid sight orgasming instantly. In a real life situation this just isn’t going to happen. Men do love a graphic sexual sight and it’s widely known that most men respond to visual stimulation but for most women it’s what’s in their head that counts.
9. Orgasm equality is reversed. In porn women can’t move for orgasms. However, recent findings show that in real world scenarios women tend to climax once, if at all during sex and report that they orgasm far less frequently than their partners. This is worrying to me as when surveyed men didn’t seem to think this was a problem and cited that their partner climaxed just as much as they did if not more. The bottom line is that it’s always best to be honest in bed, women, if you’re not there yet don’t pretend you are and men, don’t just assume that ten minutes of attention equates to several explosive orgasms.
10. They’re not real people. The people in porn films are just that, actresses. It’s their job to have a good time on camera, even if they’re not. If you go away for one minute thinking that they have sex like that in real life then you need to think again.
In a nutshell porn is a form of entertainment and as such should be viewed lightly and definitely not as an instructional guide, porn is about as relevant to sex as Star Wars is to space. If you remember that Porn has actors, actresses, makeup artists, directors and cameramen just like any movie then you’ll see it for what it is, complete fiction. Fun, filthy fiction, but fiction all the same.